23 year old canadian that hates the world but loves herself and her boyfriend and her Mexican cat. Also she works out a lot and dreams of California-livin.
And told him he’s only just passed “anorexic” weight for his height and is finally in the healthy zone.
And so my question is: anorexia is a number? I was appalled and told him anorexia is a mental disease and has nothing to do with a number. And he actually laughed and said “HOW IS IT MENTAL??”
More like WHAT PLANET DO YOU LIVE ON I hate everyone
But this time I feel something being done about it already.
I have BED. I deal with constant self loathing.
I don’t have friends to talk to. My boyfriend nods and doesn’t know what to say. So I’m putting this here. I keep way too much in.
I compare myself to too many people. I’m not perfect. I’ll never be perfect. I should feel perfect just the way I am. I am definitely not fat. I need to get the fuck over my TINY muffin top and my armpit fat that sticks out from my bra. Who. The. Fuck. Cares. I am miserable and it’s my own fault and all of this just because I want to be like somebody else meanwhile I am sacrificing everything that is ME and everything that is my wonderful life with my wonderful boyfriend who doesn’t know how to shed a tear or show emotion but who is so supportive and perfect and could easily leave me for a girl with a bit of confidence and sanity but trusts that I will do what I have to to get and feel better. I should be so thankful for what I have and everything I’ve seen in my short but dense life but instead I live in the future hoping that I will LOOK how I dream of looking and hating every single day that passes where I am not as perfect as I hope to be.
I need to breath. I feel like I can’t breath but only because I’ve got my own hands around my god damn throat.
Things are going to change. I can feel it. And I think my psych break yesterday was the best thing to happen to me in a long time.
"toseeachangeinme replied to your post: The worst part about getting healthy or losing weight is
I completely know how you feel… Honestly I feel like those who have tried this the longest know the most, b/c people learn from their mistakes and know what actually works and keeps the weight off vs. losing the weight quickly and gain it back.”
And to add to that: people who have been doing this for a while also understand that everyone’s body works differently and are way more supportive. I am rarely rolling my eyes at people’s attempts to success (juicing can go fuck itself though IMO) and I give advice but understand if they’re not into it!
My sister recently got mad at me for trying IF. Like YO I FEEL AMAZING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE. And I’m not skipping breakfast at all I’m just eating it later in the day. And it’s like double the size (I fucking love food)
I find what weak for me and doesn’t get in the way of my schedule at all is early morning workoutS! I go and do everything before I go to work. And then when I’m tired after work or feel lazy I have no guilt just sitting on the couch all night! That ha definitely kept me in check. And my workout routine is much more limited because I have an injured neck that I’m nursing. So it’s intense leg days, cardio, HIIT and abs mostly. I’m there 5-6 days a week and most of my accomplishments come from a healthy diet!